


pack it in now, it'll pay off later

by CsOphelia



Category: Gorilla Interrupted (2003), redlettermedia
Genre: Drinking, Explicit Language, Feelings Realization, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:28:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25665160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CsOphelia/pseuds/CsOphelia
Summary: Sid decides to go on tour (ie: live out of a shitty van and play in dive bars for a month), but being homesick for a wimpy little nerd is so not Punk Rock™
Relationships: Sid/Dex
Comments: 12
Kudos: 32





	pack it in now, it'll pay off later

**Author's Note:**

> Smashed this out to prove that I could finsih something. It's an unedited mess and I think the tense keeps changing, don't worry about it ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ enjoy  
> 

Sid had been feeling a strange emotional ache in the small hours of the morning, even though he’d been excelling at rocking-out. He had called Dex's place a few times. Or tried to, anyway. It had taken a weeks worth of nights drumming his fingers over the receivers of pay phones and landlines in the staff rooms of dingy bars to actually work up the … not courage, it wasn’t nervous hesitation or anything. Obviously. It was…financial concerns! It took a while to get the money to use the payphones in his current position. 

Living out of a van and playing punk sets in the basements of less-than-prestigious venues required stringent financial planning.

When he had finally called, he was greeted by an unexpectedly gruff and apathetic voice down the receiver, and immediately slammed the phone back into the cradle. Dex’s cunt of a dad made no secret that he fucking hated the punk’s guts, but the feeling was mutual. As much as Dex needed to start standing up for himself, he didn’t want to cause any trouble for the little wimp. The nerd couldn’t defend himself. That thought had been looming in the back of Sid’s mind over the past week, poking through his thoughts and making him feel restless.

So, logically, he’d thrown himself fully into the touring rocker experience -- quite literally. Throwing himself into crowds of sloppy drunk punk kids was elating, and throwing punches had proven to be a great release of the agitation sitting at the back of his mind, but it wasn't all without ramifications

He’d lost and gained three different drummers in his time on the road, usually parting ways with bloody lips or blackened eyes. He’d broken off with the first drummer when one of his drumsticks had mysteriously vanished before a show, and Sid had decided to make a replacement by breaking the end of a pool cue over the dipshit’s head. He had somehow managed to find a replacement in the form of a percussionist band kid who was desperate to get some gritty real life experience. He lasted about as long as expected of a clean-cut little nerd fresh out of school. Hre had the enthusiasm and some talent, but it was the kid’s floppy brown hair and dorky glasses that had endeared Sid more than he should have let it. It was also part of what drove the little wimp away. Sid had dragged the kid to a couple of pre-shows and after parties, ultimately scaring the kid shitless in the process. Sid was willing to admit that it was probably his fault for having unrelenting high standards for the prospective courage of nerds. Or probably Dex’s fault for setting that bar higher than it should have been.

No, it was definitely Dex’s fault for cementing any expectations in his mind in the first place.

The third drummer had been on the same high-frequency wavelength as Sid, but was the human personification of a crusty cumsock. 

His time in the band had ended with a beer bottle to the face and Sid being escorted from the venue sans drummer, once again. 

His current bandmate was at very least resilient, and could take a few punches during drunken scuffles at the end of night, and wasn’t too chickenshit to throw a few in retaliation. Sid had a good feeling about him. 

Punk lifestyle aside, the feeling that he had left something behind had been slowly seeping into his consciousness to the point where it could no longer be remedied vicariously through senseless violence. This feeling only became disconcertingly louder when he found himself standing in phone booths late at night, fingers hovering over the numbers that had long since been ingrained into his memory. The agitation at the back of his mind started to feel almost like indecisive nerves jittering through his body. 

The stress of it all had culminated in throwing a rock through the window of the offending phone booth on at least one occasion, which was very punk rock of him.

He had been at an impasse with the telephones.

That was until he had found himself sleep deprived but wired to the brink of mania on a Tuesday -- no, Thursday maybe -- morning. Maybe afternoon. He hadn’t been awake this early in a long fucking time, and he’d been awake all night, mind jittering, probably paranoid from something he’d taken. Had he taken something? He wasn’t quite sure if he remembered. Dex usually remembered things, even when he hadn’t been there, he could just look into his eyes and remember things for Sid. Was remember the right word for that? He couldn’t be sure. He had definitely used some kind of science magic on him in the past. It sucked having to know those things yourself, which is why Dex was a good guy to have around. Oh, that’s why he was up at this hour! And in front of a phone booth on a street corner, no less! He had to call Dex, he would know why he couldn’t sleep. Wait, but he had stayed awake so he could call Dex. This was all too confusing.

With trembling fingers, he fished what coins he could scrounge up from his jacket pocket, and focussed on getting them into the narrow slot without dropping any while absently holding the phone to his ear. After his fine motor skills had been pushed to their limit came the easy part. He punched in the only number he knew off the top of his head, feeling his heartbeat pickup at the dial tone.

‘Hello, Dex speaking.’

Sid’s heart stopped, skipped, hopped, jumped, and soared.

‘I’m having a heart attack!’

‘Wh-- Sid? What happened?’ Dex sounded like he was freaking out. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah, wait… no I’m not, I need your help.’

‘Okay, Sid, just breathe okay. Where are you, you should really call an ambulance, what the hell is going on?’

Sid’s mind was supplying an image of Dex in his kitchen, folded arms hesitantly reaching out to thin air, his whole body awkwardly wavering between action and inaction before he finally came up with an ultimate solution.

‘M’face hurts.’ Sid was leaning heavily on the side of the phonebooth, too busy thinking to stand up much longer. ‘Why?’

‘...Are you okay, Sid?’ Dex asked, his words slower and enunciated ‘You sound kind of ...loopy.’

‘Dunno.’

‘Okay. You don't know what?’

‘Nothin’.’ Sid muttered through his aching jaw. Maybe he was smiling. ‘Don’t have to. Cuz you do.’

There was a long pause on Dex’s end. Sid was warm, overly so in his jacket, pushed up against the window of the phone booth in the heat of the midday sun. He was on the verge of sleep. He could Dex breathing and muttering out false-starts through the phone. It was nice.

‘You’re not actually having a heart attack, right?’ he sounded unsure, like he didn’t know if Sid was trying to play some kind of prank or was genuinely about to die.

‘No.’

‘Okay.’ Another pause. ‘I wasn’t expecting to hear from you for a while.’

Sid’s warm buzzed dimmed slightly at Dex’s admission. He wanted to ask why Dex would think that? He’s so smart, like, he knows everything, right? Why would he think that Sid wouldn’t want to check in on him.

‘Just wanted to make sure you’re still there.’

_Beep_

‘Are you calling from a payphone?’

‘Yeah. I saved up for bloody weeks.’ That was only partially a lie, but he thought Dex would appreciate the sentiment.

‘Oh.’ Dex made a small noise that Sid hoped was him appreciating the sentiment. ‘Well, thanks, I guess. You sound like you’re having fun.’

Sid made a noncommittal noise. He was having fun. But it was a different kind of fun than rocking out in Dex’s basement between local gigs back home. 

_Beep_

‘Fuck. I gotta go now. I’ll call you next time.’

‘Wha-- okay. Have fun. But stay safe, okay? Don’t do anything too stupid.’

‘Yeah, yeah. No, you stay safe.’

‘Umm okay.’

Sid slammed the receiver down, feeling bewildered like he was blinking out of a dream that he was struggling to keep in the forefront of his mind. He was so tired. That phone call could have been some waking hallucination for all he knew.

He stayed pressed to the warm glass for a few moments, basking in the moment. Dex sounded fine. Confused and weirded out, kind of panicked, but fine.

He eventually managed to stumble out of the booth and his self-contained dream world.

* * *

Sid didn’t really know what he’d meant by “next time”, only that there would be a next time. There was a churning somewhere in his gut when he thought back to that phone call --or what he could recall of it, anyway.

He felt a sense of regret for hanging up so suddenly, but it was also unfortunate that he hadn’t called Dex when he was in his right mind. He went and scared the bloke before he could even muster up a “hello” or “how are you”. He didn’t feel guilty necessarily, but he couldn’t brush off the mental image of Dex being concerned for his wellbeing. Like he should care. Sid could take care of himself. Besides, Dex was a nerdy little wimp anyway.

Well.

He wasn’t as bad as that drummer kid. That guy was a real wimp!

But Dex was...different. Sid felt- some kind of way, whatever, it didn’t matter.

A few days had passed since that call, and Sid had found himself in a similar predicament, sans intoxicants, but somehow just as hyperaware of his heart about to break through his chest. Maybe he really was having a heart attack, a series of them that were only triggered but some kind of proximity to Dex.

‘Hello? Dex speaking.’

Oh shit, yeah. He had called Dex.

‘It’s next time.’

‘Sid!’ Dex’s voice was somewhere between relieved and concerned, which hit Sid like a warm, kind of fuzzy punch to the gut. ‘What the hell happened to you?’

‘Nothing! We’re all good here, mate.’

There was the sound of a heavy sigh and air being blown down the phone ‘I mean, what hell was going on? The last time you called. You sounded...drunk or something?’

‘Yeah, probably was.’ Sid said, sniffed loudly, and twirled the phone chord around his index finger. ‘But it’s fine now.’’

‘You said you were having a heart attack!’

‘Yeah, I meant to ask you about that. Can a person cause a heart attack?’

There was a pause.

‘What the fuck are you talking about?’

‘I’m asking if a person can give someone else a heart attack!’

‘No, Sid! Gosh darn it.’ There was the sound of shuffling around. ‘Well, technically…’

‘Aha!’ Sid felt a wave a triumph at being right. Dex was giving mini heart attacks somehow.

‘Technically, another person could scare you into suffering cardiac arrest, but I’m pretty sure that’s not what was happening, was it?’

The sense of triumph disappeared as quickly as it had arrived. Scared? No, that wasn’t right. Dex didn’t scare him. The sentiment was laughable. So he laughed, obviously.

‘What’s so funny, Sid?’

‘You!’ 

Dex made a small dejected sound. Sid stopped laughing

‘Turned out I’m fine, mate. Didn’t have nothing bad happen!’ That was only a half truth. He hadn’t gone to the doctor or anything. Something could be wrong as far as he knew. He still had weird gut churning and heart hammering. But he wasn’t dead, so that was something.

'Okay.' There was another, it felt almost awkward this time. 'How's your tour thing going?'

'It's fucking great! We get free drinks at every club we play!' That was also a half truth. Some venues offered discounted drinks to performers, but in reality he'd been spending most of the money he earned at the bar post show. The rest had gone on fuel for the van.

‘Cool.’

‘And the birds! Mate, the girls are absolutely throwing themselves at me!’ Also untrue. Most of the women at his shows were there with their boyfriends. Or hardcore punk lesbians. 

‘Okay.’

‘You should come with us next time. You’d have a great time!’ That was a straight-up lie, but a hopeful one.

‘I don’t think I would, Sid.’

_Beep_

Sid scrambled to redirect the conversation for a few long seconds.

‘But how are you, mate?’ he asked.

‘I’m fine.’ Dex said. Sid heard shuffling again. ‘My dad’s being an asshole. But, hey, what else is new?’ he forced a laugh.

Sid’s mind froze for a second, and then his blood started to boil.

Dex hadn’t been keen on talking about his dad since his mom died. It had been a sore spot for Dex and something of a boiling point for Sid, so it knocked him through a loop that Dex woud bring it up out of nowhere. It left Sid with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

_Beep_

‘Sid? Are you there?’

‘Yeah.’ 

Another long pause.

‘Sid?’

‘Yeah?’

Dex paused before continuing

‘Thanks for calling back.’

Sid forced a smile for Dex’s sake, or more for his own.

‘No problem, mate.’

‘You’ll call again, right?’

‘Yeah-’

Sid was rudely cut off by the dial tone.

‘Fuck!’ Sid yelled. He clenched the phone with more force than necessary as he launched his fist through glass panel.

‘FUCK!’ pain shot through him before he really registered his actions. ‘Shit, shit fffuck!’

He brought his hand up to his face to examine the damage. The skin glistened wet with blood accented by small, shiny specks of glass wedged in his skin.

He’d probably broken something, judging by the painful hot stiffness in his fingers.

And to make matters worse, the horrible churning in his stomach was now accompanied by the cold sick pit of worry.

 _First a heart attack,_ Sid thought _and now fucking indigestion?_

Something about Dex, or lack of him, seemed to be making him sick.

* * *

The next few days were a fucking bullshit nightmare.

Sid hadn't broken any bones, but his hand was still stiff and swollen the next day. His drummer had given him shit for for being an impulsive idiot, which only provoked Sid into headbutting the guy. The night had ended in a concussion, the loss of his fourth drummer, and a cancelled show. 

He spent the next morning in a public library, frantically photocopying hastily scrawled flyers that called for drummers, any skill level, no auditions necessary, fuckheads not welcome.

He got no responses. Whatever. He didn't need a drummer. Sid was the embodiment of the punk rock lifestyle, anyway. He channelled his inner turbulence into rocking out on stage, knocking back drinks at the bar, and knocking out wankers on the floor.

The sense of unrest from his last conversation with Dex was still sitting at the forefront of his mind. The pit in his stomach, which was not indigestion, had crept up into his chest. His emotions felt heavier, his limbs felt heavier.

At the end of the night, exhausted, he found himself lying awake in the back of his van instead of passing out almost immediately. His mind wandered of its own accord, always ending up at thoughts of home and Dex. It made his chest ache. It was almost enough to make him get climb into the driver's seat and make the marathon drive back to Milwaukee. But it was late, and he was tired and drunk. He could call Dex in the morning, and it was only another week or so before he would be driving back home anyway. Knowing that was enough to relieve some of the tension in his body and lull his mind into much needed sleep.

And then the van broke down.

Sid had spent a good two hours working on the thing, and yet nothing worked. He had tried jamming his keys into the ignition, opening and slamming the bonnet, kicking the tires, but no amount of unbridled rage could get the van to comprehend the error of it’s ways. It was completely unaware of the sheer magnitude of its betrayal.

He had to call a mechanic or roadside assistance or some shit. He felt around in his pockets for any loose change and came away with a cigarette instead. Defeated, he took the lighter from his jacket pocket and lit up.

It took another half hour of rummaging through the glove compartment, cupholders, and all the nooks and crannies he could reach to find enough change for a call.

Sid wandered around the block where the van was parked, looking for a public phone. He was flooded with relief when he found one just around the corner, having half expected to spend the rest of the day roaming the streets of god-knows-what town this was. It was hard to admit, but Sid was ready to get the fuck home.

Receiver in hand, he started dialling on autopilot.

‘Hello, Dex speaking.’

Whatever emotional dam Sid had constructed in his brain suddenly cracked. 

‘Dex,’ Sid said around the lump in his throat ‘I need you to pick me up.’

‘Sid? What happened?’ Dex sounded worried again, and Sid was starting to feel sick for being the source of his anxiety. _Dex_ was _worried_ about him. Sid’s heart wrenched violently, and he took a moment to compose himself before continuing.

'The van broke down, I need a ride.'

'Sid,' Dex sounded halfway between pitying and exasperated now 'I can't. You know I don't have a car.'

Yes, Sid knew that, but it didn’t stop his stomach from dropping to hear it aloud. It left him scrambling for another solution, but he came up short.

‘Dex, I don’t know what I’m gonna do.’ Sid could hear the crack in his own voice, and he winced inwardly. How embarrassing.

‘What about…do you have enough money for a bus ticket?’ Dex asked.

Sid was stunned for a moment, then felt some of the weight lifting from his shoulders. Of course! That was why brain decided to call Dex instead of some dumb mechanic. Dex was a fucking genius!

‘Yes! Yeah, I do!’ He could feel his heart speeding up again, like his adrenaline was kicking in. He thought that it wasn’t quite like a heart attack, afterall. ‘Dex, you’re bloody brilliant! I’ll get the next bus home.’

‘Don’t you have more shows on? And what about your van?’ Dex asked, though he sounded less concerned now. Sid caught a quick image in his mind’s eye of Dex trying to be practical while relishing Sid’s praise, face bright red and biting a back a cocky smile. 

Dex had to know he was brilliant, surely. Sid had seen his ego on full display when Dex had been showing him his experiments and inventions, parading his intellect around like a peacock with his tail. It was always juxtaposed against his arms wrapped defensively around his skinny frame, face bright red as he shrugged off compliments as if challenging the laws of physics in his basement was nothing. Sid was willing to admit that he had no fucking clue about most of the shit Dex did with his giant science brain, but that just added to the mystique of his genius.

‘Fuck the van! And fuck the shows! Fuck ‘em all! I’ll be home tomorrow!’

‘Okay. Well I’ll see you soon, Sid.’

‘See ya, four-eyes.’

* * *

The bus ride had given Sid time to think. He probably shouldn’t have abandoned his only means of transport back in some small town parking lot. He’d sold his bike for that piece of shit. He probably shouldn’t have bailed on all of the upcoming shows that he had booked for weeks in advance without so much as “fuck you, I’m out”.

But he couldn’t say he regretted it. 

Tension that he didn’t know he’d been feeling had been melting away, and the sickening churning in his stomach had settled into butterflies. Every now and then his heart would flutter too. 

The strange mix of anxiety and relief that he’d heard in Dex’s voice a week ago was now crawling up and down his spine. It made him feel sick with…excitement? Sid wasn’t much a word person, he’d ask Dex the next time he saw him. His insides fluttered again.

On the last leg of the bus ride, Sid’s thoughts had migrated to the practicalities of transport. He’d spent almost all his cash on the bus ticket, and had resigned himself to the reality of having to walk the rest of the way home. But even as he staggered through the busport, not even the thought of lugging his guitar case for another several miles was enough to quell the anticipation bubbling in his chest.

He stopped for a moment to get his bearings. He glanced around to find the exit, and there, like an oasis in a desert, arms hugging his chest and shoulders hunched up to ears, was Dex.

Sid felt like he had been transported to another plain of reality. His heartbeat picked up and adrenaline squashed the resignation that had been taunting him for the past hour. Dex had been glancing around almost nervously, but seemed to catch Sid’s eye like a beacon. Dex smiled and lifted a hand to wave as though Sid hadn’t already been making a beeline for him.

Sid had tunnel vision. He was acting on autopilot again.

Dex was walking to meet him, looking sheepish and awkward, and he stopped a few feet from Sid.

‘He--’

Sid had not stopped walking. He’d dropped his guitar case without a second thought and wrapped his arms around whatever part of Dex he could make contact with. His head, mostly.

Sid could feel Dex’s hot breath against his shirt and hoped to god that he couldn’t feel the hammering of his heart.

Dex mumbled something against his chest, which Sid felt more than heard. He loosened his grip, dropping his arms to Dex’s shoulders and squeezed. 

‘Sid?’ Dex was sounding unsure of himself, like he was questioning why on earth Sid would be hugging him, which was ridiculous in Sid’s opinion. Why the fuck wouldn’t he? Dex was warm and comforting, and he smelled like weird chemicals from all the genius science he did. His skinny frame felt just right in Sid’s arms, and he felt inspired to test a theory. He lowered his head and, yep, just as expected, Dex was also the perfect height for hugging. 

He breathed in deep and got a noseful of some horrid shampoo that Dex had been prescribed for his dermatitis. He tried again, and again, and eventually found the smell of Dex himself. Unless he was just getting high from the medical shampoo. It was fine, it was just part of what made Dex special.

‘I missed you.’ Sid muttered into his hair.

I…I missed you too.’

A moment passed, and Sid started to feel awkward. Was this weird? Was it okay? Was he making Dex uncomfortable?

He felt Dex’s arms at his waist, his hands reaching around his back, still unsure of himself. Sid gave him another squeeze. Dex’s arms enclosed around him and he squeezed back.

They stayed like that, tucked together in the middle of the busport, until Sid's neck began to hurt and his shoulders started to ache. He didn't want to move. He Dex didn't want to either.

And then a thought occurred to him.

'Hang on,' he said 'Did you walk all this way?'

He felt Dex shift in his arms, then lower his own. They pulled themselves apart and Sid lifted his head to look Dex in the eyes.

His face was bright red and kind of sweaty from being held against Sid's chest for so long, his expression was flustered. Sid smirked to himself. He liked that look on him.

'I- well, I kind of…' Dex paused and bit his lip. Sid liked that even more. 'I may have taken my dad's car. Without asking.' He said, sucking his lip into his mouth.

Sid froze, stuck somewhere between pride and concern. Pride at the fact that Dex had not only been willing to steal his dad’s car, but do it  _ for Sid _ , and concern at the fact that he  _ stole  _ his  _ dad’s  _ car. For Sid. Yikes.

He was lost for how to articulate this, so settled on ‘Why?’

Dex went an even deeper shade of red, if that were even possible, and darted his eyes around as if to avoid Sid’s enquiring stare.

‘Because…you know.’ Dex mumbled.

‘Nah, I don’t.’

Dex rolled his eyes dramatically. ‘Because you said you needed a ride.’ He said, exasperated, the more quietly ‘You do, right? Because I can give you a ride. If you need one.’

His sincerity tugged at Sid’s heart. He smiled as Dex shuffled from foot to foot waiting for an answer. Sid waited just to tease him. He’d always loved teasing Dex.

‘Of course I need a ride, mate. C’mon let’s go for a joyride in your ol’ man’s car!’

Dex looked almost panicked at that. ‘No way, Sid! No joyrides, you know wha-’

‘Yeah, yeah, I know.’ Sid smiled in a way that he hoped was reassuring and playfully punched Dex’s arm. ‘Only pulling your leg. Let’s get the fuck out of shit hole!’ he yelled, revelling in Dex’s blush and subsequent whining about keeping it down.

Sid picked up his guitar case and followed Dex to the exit. They walked in comfortable silence together. Dex popped the boot on his dad’s station wagon, and Sid loaded in his guitar and backpack. He held his hand out to Dex ‘I’ll drive.’

‘What?’ Dex asked, scandalised ‘No way, Sid! Do you know what my dad would do if he saw you driving his car?!’

‘Does he know I went out of town?’

‘What? No, why?’

‘Exactly!’ Sid smiled triumphantly ‘You can tell him I borrowed it! And you came looking for me to get it back for him, then he can’t be mad at you! It’s the perfect plan.’

Dex was looking at him, he was smiling weakly, but with something like fondness in his eyes. ‘Thanks, Sid. I’d feel a lot more comfortable driving it myself. And dropping you back at your place. My dad will go apeshit if he sees you.’

Sid tried not to let his smile falter, even as his heart sank. He’d kind of hoped they’d be going back to Dex’s place. Spend some time together. Sid could show him some scars he got in bar fights and regale him with stories. Dex could show him what he’d been working on in his lab, maybe do some cool sonic upgrades to his guitar, and then Sid could play him a song or two.

‘Alright, mate.’ he sauntered up to Dex, close enough that they had to crane their necks to continue looking at each other. ‘But if that dog cunt does anything to you when I’m not there, you fuckin’ tell me. I’ll wring that bastard’s neck with my own two hands and turn his bones into guitar picks if I have to.’

Dex stared into Sid's eyes for a long time. Sid wasn't complaining. It gave him time to take in the breathtaking colourscape of Dex's eyes. Grey blues mingled with light browns that coalesced into green. Green was his favourite colour. They were shiny, too, and bright. At that moment, they were Sid’s favourite thing in the world.

Dex finally broke the silence between them. ‘Thank you, Sid.’ He said shyly.

‘Anytime, mate.’

Dex climbed into the driver’s seat, Sid on the passengers side, another silence between them. 

‘Do anything with yourself while I was gone?’ Sid asked, unable to bear the thought of not getting his fill of Dex’s company before having to part ways. ‘Any mad parties?’

Dex scoffed and rolled his eyes ‘No. But I bet you had a few.’

‘Yeah, just a few, you know. An afterparty here, a punch up there. Just the usual.’

Dex hummed in acknowledgement. ‘A lot of “birds” too, so I heard.’

That less than pleasant feeling reeled in Sid’s stomach again for the first time since getting off the bus, and it tugged at his insides painfully.

‘Yeah,’ he muttered ‘Just a few here and there. Slags and slappers, most of them. Not too many brains, either.’

Dex laughed humourlessly ‘Since when have you cared about brains, Sid?’

‘And what the fuck do you know?’ Sid could feel the agitation back, he was getting defensive ‘I might be looking for a smart little someone to settle down with. You don’t know my type!’ He was done, consciously, but he couldn’t keep the next part down as it forced its way out ‘With massive tits, too! Obviously!’

He cringed inwardly.  _ Fuck. _

Dex was quiet. They sat in silence for several minutes with only the ambience of cars speeding by to fill it. 

Sid felt embarrassed and childish for his outburst. Of all things, he felt guilt and regret too. It gnawed at him. There was no more gentle fluttering in his stomach and warmth in his chest. His heart hurt.

‘I didn’t mean that.’ He said ‘About the big tits.’

‘Of course you didn’t.’ the edge of sarcasm was apparent in Dex’s tone, and Sid felt that hideous weight in his chest.

‘I’m fucking serious! I was just being a fucking arsehole!’

‘I know you’re an asshole, Sid.’

Rage crept up his spine now, and more uncontrollable words were forcing themselves up his throat.

‘Fuck you! You know I say some dumb fucking bullshit! I wasn’t serious about looking for a bird with big tits! I was trying to be fucking serious for a minute and tell you I’m into brains, you  _ stupid  _ fucking nerd!’

The sudden silence was deafening. He didn’t want to look at Dex, he didn’t want to see what kind of horrified or judgemental look was in his eyes. It would kill him.

And then Dex giggled, and it was simultaneously the most beautiful and horrifying thing he had ever heard in his life.

He whipped his head round to the driver’s side where Dex was biting back a smirk. He couldn’t be sure from the angle, but his eyes looked bright. Sid wished he weren’t driving so that could catch his gaze and hold it for as long as he could.

‘I really did miss you, you idiot.’ Dex said.

Sid’s heart soared and a grin tugged at his lips. ‘I really missed you too.’

They pulled up at Sid’s apartment building not long after that. Too soon. There was still a feeling of tension in the silence between them, but it wasn’t hostile. It was exciting, and a bit electric. Sid didn’t want to leave it.

Sid turned to look at Dex as he put the car into park. He was scouring his mind again for something to say, but words seemed to be failing him more than usual. But actions speak louder than words, right? And Sid was a loud talker to begin with. 

Dex’s hand was still hovering on the parking brake, almost expectantly. Sid reached out to cover Dex’s hand with his own, barely getting smirk in acknowledgement. 

Dex’s hand was so small in his own, and Sid threaded their fingers together just to laugh at the size discrepancy, or at least he told himself that was the reason for caressing Dex’s palm with the pads of his fingers. His skin was more calloused than he expected, and he had small cuts and scars peppering his cuticles and knuckles. Sid wanted to memorise all of them.

He let his gaze lift to catch Dex’s eye, who was looking at him, face bright red, big goofy teeth chewing his lip, and his heart started picking up again. Adrenaline surging through him, he leaned as far into Dex’s personal space as he could get without touching, noses barely an inch apart.

‘What are you doing?’ Dex asked, but it wasn’t a question. His eyes were bright and warm and threatening to drown Sid alive from this close-up, and he was smirking cheekily. Dex was challenging him.

Sid closed the gap between them, their lips connecting, if only briefly. The kiss was chaste and it almost physically hurt Sid to pull away.

Dex looked stunned, bewildered, and wounded all at once. Sid thought it was a fantastic look on him. He chased Sid’s lips with his own.

‘Kiss?’

‘No.’ Sid whispered ‘I’m keeping it ransom.’

Dex stared at Sid like a stunned mullet. ‘Why would you do that?’

‘So that you’ll let me see you tomorrow.’ Sid stroked the hand in his, silently pleading for a positive response.

Dex rolled his eyes ‘Jesus, Sid. Yeah, of course I’ll see you tomorrow.’

Sid’s insides were fluttering ‘Really?’

‘Yes! I see you almost everyday whether I want to or not. I can’t stop you from coming to my house.’

‘Are you so saying you’d stop me if you could?’ Sid gave his best impression of puppy dog eyes, only getting another eyeroll in response.

‘No, you moron! Just kiss me goodbye, at least.’

Sid leaned in again, placing a big wet kiss on Dex’s cheek before darting away quickly. ‘You’ll get the rest tomorrow.’ He lifted Dex’s hand to his mouth and gave it a wet lick, ending it with a kiss on his knuckle before dropping his hand entirely.

‘Ew! Sid! That’s fucking disgusting!’ Dex made to grab for him, but Sid ducked out of the passengers' side before he could get close.

‘See you tomorrow, loser.’

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry that the ending sucks and the whole thing has like a confused tone lol I wrote this to challenge my destructive perfectionism more than anything, and I absolutely hate it for that reason. I have 2 more siddex WIPs but I just really wanted to prove to myself that I was capable of finishing something.
> 
> Anyway, shout-out to all of the ferals on discord for being legends
> 
> And thank you so much for reading <3


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